The Battlefield

Today is a bad day.  Today I think I have lost my mind.  Today I feel completely alone.  When people go through trials they can experience good days with an added measure of strength and hope, and then they experience bad days when all seems lost.  Today is one of those days.  I have been told by numerous people over the course of my life that I'm a strong person.  Especially in the face of adversity.  I try to be because I like to think that there's always a better day lurking around the corner and as it says in the scriptures ..."this too shall pass."  Just the other day a friend of mine, who has shared with me some of the struggles she's going through, sent me a message to my Facebook page that says, "God gives the worst trials to his warrior women."  I liked the message because it made me feel strong, made me feel like God trusts me to come out on top in this war...ahem this journey we call life, and made me feel like I was capable of overcoming even the worst of trials.  Sometimes we feel like we're warriors, fighting the daily battles that get thrown our way, but today I am defeated for sure, and I feel tired.  Tired of trying to be strong, tired of trying to be brave, tired of waiting for that better day that's supposed to be lurking around the corner.  Now, I've never actually been to battle, like on the front lines, facing the enemy with a weapon in hand, nor have I been a POW.  I can only imagine how terrible that would be, how hard and how trying an ordeal that would be for anyone, and I know there are brave people out there who have had to endure such ordeals.  We can even watch on the TV shows of today where war is depicted or where people have been captured by the enemy and are tortured or at least physically pushed to the brink in order to expel pertinent information from them.  They use tactics of starvation, sleep deprivation, propaganda, less than desirable living quarters, and perhaps even physical abuse.  The body is amazing, and what's more, the mind is amazing for it's ability to adapt, withstand and even over come.  But prolonged neglect and or abuse of our bodies and minds and we start to deteriorate.  And it will then depend on food, water, shelter, sleep, medical attention and so forth in order to bring us back into homeostasis as they say in the medical world, or rather, back to normal and thriving conditions that we're used to on a day to day basis.  Well, I believe the same can be said for our spirits.  The war for our spirits or our souls is actively engaged and the enemy is an invisible but very real one, and he has a great army.  Just like the physical enemy would try and obtain information about the weaknesses of his opposing forces to use for his benefit, so too does the adversary, who wants to destroy our souls and lead us away from victory which is ultimately in God.  He knows our weaknesses and he'll use what ever tactics are necessary to repeatedly attack our weaknesses until...well, yeah, until we're too weak to hold on any longer.  If we stray too far from "base camp" or try to wander out on the "battle field" alone or with out the proper instruction or guidance, we're certain to get lost, stumble across an "IED" or be captured by the enemy.  By that I mean, when we take our eyes off God and His perfect plan for us, (which includes living his commandments that by doing so gives us safety and peace) we begin to wander out in the world.  We can then get sucked into the world, whether it be drugs, alcohol, pornography, to name more of the severe things that are out there, and we can be captured by these things that over time rob of us our safety, peace, happiness, our direction in life or even our very life as we know it.  But it doesn't even have to be things as serious as drugs, alcohol or pornography.  With all that's going on in our lives right now, in my life, I feel, well, stressed.  Tired.  Sometimes angry.  Irritable.  Short tempered.  Those are the weaknesses that the enemy is playing off of right now, and in my weakness, I feel like I'm starting to give up.  It's the little things, like my kids complaining that they hate tonight's dinner, or when two of them are going at it with each other, like kicking each other and calling each other names, then tattle telling one on the other about what the other one did.  It's asking them to help clean up and instead they make new messes that I have to clean up.  It's doing laundry on a daily basis for eight people; washing, folding and putting away only to find clothes on the floor or back in the laundry when they weren't even worn.  It's feeling ingratitude from those you love when you are trying to do the best you can for them.  You're probably laughing, because we all go through this right?  You might even be going through worse.  All of these things were my day today, I finally did give up my strength and I yelled and screamed and cried and left the house and am writing this from the McDonalds parking lot trying to find my spiritual way back to homeostasis.  So I pray and ask for help and for once again the strength to keep going, and when I think all is lost, and am ready to give up the fight because I feel no one cares or understands, I get a message from my sweet 11 year old son who says, "Mommy please come back, we miss you terribly."  I had only actually been gone for maybe five minutes when he left me that message.  So there is hope that a better day is right around the corner.  There is hope that we can forgive and be forgiven.  Tomorrow is a new day and we must press forward.  I must press forward.  May I share this hymn with you?  It helps me get through the tough times.  It's a verse from an LDS hymn entitled, "Come, Come Ye Saints."

Why should we mourn, or think our lot is hard?
Tis not so all is right
Why should we think to earn a great reward,
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins, fresh courage take
Our God will never us forsake.
And soon we'll have this tale to tell
All is Well, all is well.

 

 

All is well, all is well...or at least someday it will be.